altique | ■ ic inbox.

[The message comes out of the blue, which certainly isn't suspicious at all.]

Hey, just got a quick question for you. I'll leave you alone afterwards.

[ ... Not suspicious whatsoever. Especially when you're still not used to voices in your head. ]

What is it, Hizumi?

[ If he sounds tired—

It's because he is. ]

[This kid...

Well, it does tie into his question, so.]

It's been over a month now. Do you actually have a stable place to stay yet?

You aren't planning to visit, are you?

[ Deflecting? Hell yes. ]

I won't have to if you actually eat there.

...Eat and sleep.

[Yeah, he hears that tone.]

That would involve you knowing where to visit, to begin with.

[ Yeah, he's still being difficult. ]

If there really is one, anyway.

[Which, for totally mysterious reasons, he's beginning to doubt.]

Have you had lunch yet today?

You mean my visits aren't enough time for you?

[ ... What. What kind of message is this? ]

Don't you have other obligations you need to tend to?

Visits?

[He sounds genuinely puzzled, even if it's fooling no one.]

...Oh! You mean all those times I found you on the streets and had to drag in for a meal?

Yes, those ones where I was taken against my will.

[ The absolute epitome of rudeness. ]

I wouldn't have to if you actually ate, you know.

[Seriously...]

Or had your own apartment. They're free, in case you forgot.

I haven't. [ He just hasn't chosen to call one a 'home' yet. ]

what do you really want, Hizumi?

[Well, if they're going to be blunt about it--]

I want to know why a kid as smart as you is doing something so stupid.

[ Rather than a verbal response, what feels akin to annoyance and exasperation is sent Hizumi's way.

Except Eyes isn't aware of how much of it was being carried over, as he had so often refrained from communicating emotions even before coming to Verens. ]

[...You know what, he's not going to comment on it, because the last thing they need right now is for Eyes to attempt to lock everything up even more than he already does.]

What are you tryin' to prove with all this? That you're okay with just layin' down and dyin'?

I'm not trying to prove any point. [ Which was the honest truth—there were better ways to do that. ]

I thought you knew me better than to think I would so easily perish.

So it's meaningless, then.

[Even if it were petty, some purpose would have lent itself to logic. But as it is...

He's suffering for absolutely no reason. Stupid indeed.]

However much our 'emotions' fuel this land, do you think I want to establish any lasting connection?

[ If it was from him, such a thing seemed almost dangerous. ]

--Are you scared to?

... Scared? [ The word is accompanied by no definitive emotion—if anything, it sounded as if he were vaguely thinking to himself. ]

[...?

He'd felt those emotions go through earlier. He wouldn't have expected Eyes to react in fear to his question, but surely it would have elicited some emotional response.

...Unless...]

Tch. So that's what it was.

[Had he really destroyed his own feelings to that degree already-?]

'What it was'? [ Whatever conclusion Hizumi had come to, it was clear that Eyes didn't quite follow just yet.

But that did mean there was now a sense of wariness to accompany it, even if he didn't expect him to explain. ]

[...No, never mind that. It's his turn to switch topics, even if it could be construed as the reason for the earlier words.]

Is it really worth it to keep isolatin' yourself like this?

Edited (no gs allowed) 2016-03-19 09:39 (UTC)

I'm not being any more of a burden than anyone else is. [ Aside from the obvious two, apparently. He liked to look at it from a more tactical point of view. ]

And it is manageable. To begin with, it can't compare to being pursued by Hunters.

'Cept you are.

[Seriously, what a pain...]

There's more to bein' a burden than forcin' yourself on others. Even if you think you're on your own, neglectin' to take care of yourself means Ayumu and me are the ones pickin' up the slack for it. And if it weren't one of us... I'm sure someone'd start nosin' around, sooner or later.

[Hell, Oz certainly took no time at all to get into Hizumi's business, back then.]

Whether you like it or not, you're surrounded by people here, Rutherford. Some of 'em will hurt you, and some of 'em will want to help. One day, you're gonna have to start lettin' some of them in.

If you don't... that isolation's gonna drive you to even darker places than you've ever been before.

[God himself was no exception. A Blade Child, particularly one so young, would likely fall just the same.]

So far, you are the only two have persisted, likely because of some sense of obligation. [ What else could it be? And though he knew Hizumi was right, that again lead him to his deliberate avoidance when it came to talking to others more than he had to. To establish such a bond was an annoyance.

But the reply that followed was again quiet, hollow, and deprived of any definite emotion. ]

Are you sure I haven't already touched there, Hizumi?

It's not just an obligation.

[Let's cut that thought off right then and there.]

Up 'til you came here, you always had people. You had your friends... [family] to back you up, to share your troubles with. Whether you realized it or not, it took off some of that burden.

You think I wouldn't notice? What could happen if you suddenly didn't have that.

[He knows what it's like. He knows that darkness all too well.

It hadn't been in jest, when he asked if Eyes were planning to let himself die.]

[ Eyes knew all of this well—it was only a small reason for why he fought so hard to protect them, however, why he was so determined to keep Hizumi's existence a secret no matter how isolated it left him.

Yet nothing changed that they weren't here. In a sense, it was both a relief and nightmare to face this reality without them, and of course Hizumi would be the one to notice. ]

... Then what is it, Hizumi?

[The connection goes quiet on his side for a moment. Eyes may even think that he's finally cut it off, after the relative speed of those other words.

He would be wrong.

What eventually comes through aren't words, but feelings. Concern, compassion, sympathy - all earnest. He can't form the same connections as others, but he can still feel, just as Eyes can should he let himself.

Obligation, duty... those were his reasons when Eyes and Kanon first appeared, it's true. But time has passed since then, and with it came revelations that had changed his perspective just as drastically as the despair that had originally dragged him down.

He'd been careful to conceal his feelings through these communications, learning to mask them just as effectively as he did when navigating conversations in person. Allowing his feelings through like this... it leaves him vulnerable. Uncomfortably so. It was one thing to share them with Ayumu, who he trusted with his whole being, but reaching out like this is new territory.

There's all the potential for this to hurt. But he's braced himself for that, too. If he could at least get the message across...

It's a step forward. Isn't it?]

[ The boy had indeed thought Hizumi had chosen to cut himself off, and he could accept that. When it came down to it, he hadn't asked for his help, and it was for the better that he focus on himself than one Blade Child who couldn't be as helpless as he thought he was.

Yet the oncoming swell was so unexpected that there was no time to hide away the surprise that bloomed from Eyes' heart, reaching up to meet those warm, vulnerable and terrifying emotions. A faint sound, stuck in his throat, managed to permeate the connection as the soul that so adamantly denied itself the warmth sought out those very emotions from the other.

And it did hurt. It hurt enough that frustration coldly began to lash back, denial at its forefront threatening to tear through to the other end and protect his heart the only way he knew how, by rejecting it all and turning to the void of nothing. But for whatever reason, perhaps a miracle, he stopped himself in time.

There were few emotions that could overpower those. After several moments of silence, of nothing, it was those sensations that now reached out to deliver his answer. Tiredness as the familiar chill of loneliness wrapped itself around him, and a small hand timidly extending for help despite the front he always held.

Amidst it all, there it was—in the depths of ever-present fear, the fragile yet somehow powerful flicker of hope that refused to be extinguished that wanted to reach out and meet who was perhaps the person who could understand the most. And oh how much it frightened him. ]

[There's an instinct to draw back at that stinging - Ayumu had been similarly hurt by Eyes' rejection, and at this level especially, it's painful to feel. But the feelings never actually fade, and he is rewarded when Eyes reaches back.

He sighs on his end, even if it isn't audible through the connection. Instead, he sends along feelings of comfort, of courage, of support. It won't be easy, to keep fighting the curse, and he isn't going to say it will all work out. Rather, the feelings are meant more to shore up the youth's own strength, to protect and nurture that little flame of hope, to give it fuel to keep going.

He's got your back, whether you acknowledge it or not.]

...A hope like that... it needs more than just emotions to keep it goin'.

[Food for the body and the heart - both are necessary, and naturally, he's been depriving himself of both.]

Take care of yourself, would you?

[For the sake of that hope.]

I had a short shift at work today. [Yes, Eyes, he has a job.]

Where are you? They sent me home with quite a lot of leftovers-- way more than I or Hizumi could eat.

[Possibly a lie-- Hizumi could eat a lot if he wanted to.]

[ Eyes knew Hizumi was right—about all of it, what he had been fighting so vehemently against. It was why he often made the effort to make sure he was taken care of enough, for the sake of the others.

But he had relied on them heavily as well, on Kanon to be at his back to share those moments and responsibilities together. Without them, it was much easier to forget those necessities, and worse yet was recalling how little he knew of upholding them.

Hence why the tiredness didn't pull back so quickly, still leaning a little too heavily on the feelings Hizumi was sending him. ] I suppose I had best start learning.

[ ... Y e a h he's not really believing that story. ]

Out...?

Door's always open, even when I'm not the one draggin' you in. I know Ayumu'd be happy to see you doin' alright, too.

[The positive emotions don't stop, although amusement is added to the mix.]

...Y'know, you two are more alike than you'd think. You both suck at lettin' your feelin's through.

[Although Ayumu had improved with time - maybe that's what Eyes needs most, here.]

[Hey, what doesn't sound believable here.]

Out where? It'd be a terrible waste if it didn't all get eaten.

[He is not going away, Eyes.]

[ Can't you hear it? The fervent sound of denial...? ]

Around. [ Which was an honest enough answer—when one was determined to not establish a stronger connection than necessary, it somehow became easier to wander and memorise an overall layout. ]

[ Something akin to a pause occurs when Hizumi mentions Ayumu, the boy almost pulling back in his instinct to not want to expect anything from the little brother.

But he still listens, and by the end of it there seemed to be... annoyance? ]

I'd rather not hear it like that.

That's 'cause you know it's true.

[At this point, he feels comfortable enough lightly teasing Eyes. It might even be the most comfortable he's been about the little jabs, really.

And... just a little more of that warm comfort slips through.]

Seriously though, come visit us sometimes! You can't get a better deal than one of Ayumu's meals free.

If you play nice, you can even spend some time with Roka.

[Deny all you want Eyes, he's not giving up.]

Rutherford. You realize that isn't an answer.

[You are being very obviously petulant, Eyes.]

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